I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
