I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
