i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
