Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
