hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
