God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
love makes seman taste better
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
