Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
