the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize