Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
