nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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