apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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