I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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