this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
