she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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