I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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