i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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