is your mom at the bar?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
