I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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