ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
