put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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