I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
