Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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