I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Send help, water and tortillas.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
