Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
