just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
