I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
