How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
