I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize