do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
