all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
