I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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