Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
