lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
