Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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