Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
