literally had 100 drinks last night.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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