My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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