She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
