I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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