When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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