Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
