I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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