toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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