i already hear my dad disowning me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
