I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
