I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
