If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize