I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
