After last night, I could never be a politician.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
