I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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