instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A bitchslap is in order.
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