i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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