I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
