i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
