one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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