Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
