Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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