Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
