You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
