this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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