I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
