Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
