I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
