I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drake has all the answers
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
