I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize