i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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