If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
