Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
