i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
