My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
