On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The power of my boobs compel you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
