If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
