theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize