What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
