My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
