C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm bleeding and have questions
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
