i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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