He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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