bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
