did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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