Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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