He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
