would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
