mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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