just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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