just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
