this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
