Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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