Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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