Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
