Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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