No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
