Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
