I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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