He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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