i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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