Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
