Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize