Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
