This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
