So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
